Hi everyone! So I wrote this blog post a few months ago but I never published it.
I wanted to talk about me a little bit more but I don’t want to seem like one of those depressed awkward teens feeling sorry about themselves because I know it’s really boring to read so I’m sorry but this is a one off, I promise.
I’m actually nervous about writing this because some of my friends read this blog and I’m kinda scared about talking about it even though I’m behind a laptop so I guess this is the best way to say it.
I really need to get a grip.
Okay so nearly two years ago was when I first felt proper anxiety. I was going to go to a new school and I felt like I wasn’t going to fit in and I didn’t fit in for a year.
Back in primary school, I had speech issues but everyone kinda was use to it because it was a really small school and everyone knew everyone. But at secondary school, people noticed it and it really bothered me.
That’s when I started suttering. At first, I only suttered when I couldn’t say a certain word right but then it grew worse. Whenever a teacher asked me to answer a question, I would sutter in front of the whole class. It’s embarrassing. I hate it so much but I can’t do anything about it.
I started getting anxiety, I didn’t go out with my new friends at the weekend because I was scared I was going to have another panic attack and embarrass myself.
I don’t have as much panic attacks now but my suttering is alot worse now and I can’t stop it. I can’t cure it and it kills me sometimes, it physically hurts my heart sometimes. Sometimes I don’t even bother to talk and share my opinion, I just keep quiet which makes people think that I’m shy.
I’m not shy, I’m embarrassed.
I’m too embarrassed to be myself.
Okay, so it isn’t the blog post you were probably hoping for but I wanted to tell you that everyone has their discomforts and it’s okay. But I’m really happy, I’m always happy at the moment and I just wanted to say that I love you guys because you give me so much happiness. I really enjoy blogging for you!
Please don’t think I’m writing this to get sympathy because I’m not! I just wanted to type my feeling out and I know there’s a couple of people out there that feel the same.
Hideaway Girl xxx