Hi everyone! So recently, I’ve seen a lot of posts about depression and anxiety. I feel like our blogging community has huge amount of bloggers who have issues and use blogging to let it all go. That’s what I love about blogging.
Now in Year 7 and a bit of Year 8, my personality changed massively. I just started Secondary School and I didn’t have many friends. Tbh, I was a bit lonely. Everyday I got back home from school, I would cry and I would write in my diary what I was feeling. I didn’t have the idea about blogging and I really wished I did. I think it would have helped me alot.
I would hardly speak to my parents or any friends really. My thoughts builded up in my head and I started to think about killing myself. I remember coming home one day after school. This day wasn’t really badier than any other day but I had enough of me. So I started to write a list. This list was reasons why I should kill myself and reasons why I shouldn’t. The list kinda went like this:
- I don’t have friends.
- My life is painful
- Mum and Dad would get over it
- J would be happier
- No one will want to love me.
- I’m not going to get a job
- I’m stupid
- I’m ugly
The list probably went a little longer. There was no reasons why I shouldn’t. So I decided that it was best if I went. But it didn’t work so I gave up.
I went downstairs for tea and didn’t mention anything.
A few weeks later, this boy told me he had a crush on me which really made me more happy. Of course, I said no to him but I felt so much better! There were still days where I felt really bad but there were days where I felt okay. So I forget about the bad days and wrote about the good days in my diary.
But then anxiety kicked in. Every night, I would be terrified for the next day. It would be about stupid little things but I still had panic attacks about it. I would get panic attacks at school but I had a few more friends then. One of my best friends, Lily, she helped me SO much! It’s unbelievable. She would let me talk about what was in my head and all my worries went away. She would never laugh and it felt so much better! She gave me confidence and I’m so happy that she was here with me. I don’t know what I would have done without her.
I’m kinda crying a little bit now but they’re happy tears. Thankyou Lily!
My parents found out about my anxiety and I went counselling. I had private sessions and I talked about other things than anxiety. My counseller found about my pass depression and she helped me so much!
I don’t have depression anymore but I still get a bit of anxiety sometimes at school.
But these days are alot more better and I’m so happy. I want you guys to know that you have me. No matter what. You can talk to me. I care.
Hideaway Girl xxx