Okay as you may or not have seen, I just deleted a post which took me a while to write. It wasn’t anything awful or anything but when I looked back on it, it looked stupid.
Recently, I’ve been feeling pressure on my blog, schoolwork and in my social life. I know you are probably rolling your eyes and thinking ‘oh god. Another post about pressure’ but I want to get it out of my system.
Reasons how I feel pressure on my blog
- Posting everyday. It feels like I have to post everyday to make myself and you guys happy. If I don’t, I feel like I have failed and become less unpopular.
- Views. I know that I shouldn’t care about views and followers. But nowadays, I’m actually kinda well and it makes me feel good but I feel like if that goes away, I won’t feel like I’ve achieved something.
- Reading your posts. I follow alot of you guys back and posts build up massively. Going through them and commenting on them, take lots of time. I do enjoy it but it takes up a lot of my writing time and makes me feel panicked in a way.
- My content. I feel like every post I do has to be perfect or else, there is no point. This week, I didn’t post for two days but I did write on both days but I deleted the posts because they weren’t good enough.
- Who looks at my posts. I want to start writing about my life again on here and how I feel. I can’t do that on here any more because a few of my friends and my parents read my blog. It doesn’t feel personal.
I will continue blogging of course, I love it too much to stop but I feel like this past 2 months have been very pressurizing.
Reasons how I feel pressure on my schoolwork
- Exams. I have a maths exam on Tuesday which is getting to me because I’m totally not prepared for this and my teacher ONLY told me yesterday what we are meant to be revising for. There are 16 topics. That means I’m meant to do 5.5 topics a day which means 5 HOURS a day! Are you kidding me?!!
- Projects. My business studies project is going shit to be honest. All the other teamsa re doing really well and well, we weren’t doing as good.
- I don’t know what I want to be. My friends have it all figure it out, some want to go to law uni and others want to be in the drama industry. I don’t know what the hell I want to be and it’s hard around friends who work hard.
- Piano. I love playing the piano but I feel like I have to be good at it. I have to lots of work for that as well.
- I want to make my parents proud and it feels like I haven’t.
Reasons how I feel pressure on my social life
- Feeling like to odd one out. I feel like everyone around me now are beautiful and loads of boys like them. And then there is me. The girl that everyone looks last at.
- Not fitting in. I don’t fit in with my group now or any group at all. I don’t fit in with any friendship group at school. I just feel like I don’t fit in.
- Having to look good. I always want to look good and wear the right stuff.
- Not being the right person. I feel like I’ve been muddled up and stupid.People have told me that I need to sort myself out and I do.