Why I never talk about it.

I was going to write this on my personal private blog where it’s on private so nobody can view it and it’s basically a diary for me but I think I kinda need to address this in my blog where 430 of you read it and I know it sometimes helps to read these posts.

Also, I don’t think I’ve ever uploaded this late.

On this blog, I don’t really address my anxiety as much as other bloggers because I use this blog as a place where I can enjoy writing about other things and forgetting about my problems.

Let me give you a small summary my anxiety history is:

I started to have panic attacks when I was in Year 6. My first one was when I was at a school fair. I don’t know what really triggered it but I remember feeling very crowded and wanting to be in a big space on my own where nobody could touch me. I started shaking and my friends didn’t know what was happening so they got me to a quiet spot and left me there for 1o minutes or so to calm me down.

My panic attacks got frequently worse that summer and I started to realised this was a problem because I started to become afraid of going out of the house but I didn’t really do anything about it and I didn’t tell my parents what I was feeling so I locked myself in my bedroom that summer.

When I got to Year 7, my panic attacks were very frequent..sometimes every two hours and it was very stressful of me going to school where I didn’t have many friends and I got a bit teased.I didn’t want to go to school and I felt very very tight…which sounds very confusing but it’s the only way to describe it. I think when I started becoming friends with Lily, going to school became more easier and happier.

My parents started to notice that there was something strange about me so they sent me to a children’s psychiatrist and I spoke about my anxiety. I did a session every week  for about a year but I stopped as I thought it was getting a lot better.

In Year 8, my anxiety was a lot more better but I was very quiet about them and I only told a few friends. Whenever I felt like I was going to have a panic attack, I would go away or I would get very stressed, angry and upset which sometimes led to arguments with the ones I love.

I used to have reasons for my anxiety but now, I don’t. It can be whenever or wherever.Today, I had one when getting out of class and I was walking really fast to get out of the building. Half way through writing my last blog post, I had another one and I had to calm myself down. And it feels embarrassing writing this but I couldn’t control my tears and I felt very sick.

I’m very loud with my friends but inside, I’m very quiet about my anxiety and I hate talking about it. I hate it.

I wish I didn’t have it. I wish parts of my day I have to sit down and breathe. That my hands didn’t shake and my legs not being able to walk me across the room when having a panic attack.

I have no idea why I have these panic attacks and I seem to be the only one who doesn’t have a reason.

I feel so crowded and it’s hard.

I think the reason why I don’t talk about this on my blog is because I like to make a happy positive atmosphere for you guys and I feel you think I’m a attention seeker. People, outside of blogging, have told me I am..

These panic attacks have come more frequent lately and I don’t know what to do..

I thought I was doing okay and that these were finally going to end..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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38 Comments

  1. Dreamer

    I hope you’re feeling okay! I suggest maybe going back to the psychiatrist as that seemed to help last time. Make sure you talk to your family. I know it sounds hard and a lot easier said than done, but talking to people can really help to get the right support and help you need! You are not at all attention seeking, don’t believe what others say. I truly hope you get through this and we’re all here if you need to talk like this!x

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Rosypop

    I totally understand how you feel! You’re not the only one – just remember that. My panic attacks also occur without a reason so I totally know what you’re going through. I can’t really help you because anxiety is different for everyone but have you tried imagining it inside you and giving it a colour and for me once I’d imagined it inside of me and faced the fact that I was having it, it started fading until it was gone xxx *virtual hugs*

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Genuinelyellie

    I’m sorry to hear about your panic attacks 😦 But if you ever need someone you don’t know personally to speak to then I would be happy to! I hope you find a way to resolve the panic attacks or at least lesson them- definitely speak to someone about it!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. lissndani

    The same thing happens to me. I have always had anxiety but I just started getting full-blown panic attacks last year. None of my friends seem to get it and most don’t bother trying to understand. On Halloween, my friends wanted to go on one street but whenever I go there I feel very anxious and I was so scared of getting a panic attack. When I told them, they thought I was being completely ridiculous. The started yelling at me and telling me how stupid my “excuse” was. I went to the bathroom and almost broke down crying. It always helps to know that there is someone who understands what you’re going through. If you ever need anything, Liss and I are always here.
    -Dani ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  5. L Saturday

    I have anxiety too and I get panic attacks as well. I saw my school guidance counsellor about it but she didn’t help at all. So I stopped seeing her. I’ve managed to get better on my own but sometimes I would have a break down and cry without a reason. But what I tried to do is list all the things that are bothering me on a piece of paper, scrunched it up and put it in the bin. It helps a lot. Also, I try to busy myself with the things I enjoy and it makes me feel better.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Jerrod

    I don’t have anxiety but I know how horrible it is because I know some friends and some bloggers who actually does. If you need someone to talk to, we’re all here! *sends virtual hugs and chocolates and cakes and ice cream if you want to*

    Like

  7. streakofcolor

    I hope it gets better soon! I’ve had panic attacks too and they really reallyyyy suck. Stay strong and brave through this 🙂 If you need someone to confide to I don’t mind lending a ear 😊 wishing u the best!!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Elm

    Hey, it’s okay. You don’t NEED to have a reason, and a lot of people don’t honestly. We would NEVER call you an attention-seeker – we love you. You can always talk about what’s bothering you because we’re always here.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Sincerely, Nikki

    I know exactly how you feel. My panic attack usually subside after a good self-care session.
    paint your nails
    do your makeup
    draw
    make yourself some coffee
    sit in a warm bath
    noisturize
    make a list of things that make you feel at peace
    meditate a little
    take a nap

    Not exactly in that order but just to get your ind off things 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  10. missamrunaway

    Hello! I also suffer from pretty bad anxiety & panic attacks. It really does suck, I remember having my first panic attack in Year 5 when I was in a SRE lesson! They can just happen at the most random times. If I could offer a few pieces of advice perhaps open up to a family member, or someone you really trust, a bit more about what you’re going through. Bottling everything up can sometimes get too much, I know that for sure! My family & friends were/are very supportive and I now get counselling for my anxiety which has already began to help quite a bit more. Just remember you’re NOT alone in this & also remember to breath LOL! I use the 6-2-4 technique; I breath in for 6 seconds, hold for 2 seconds & exhale for 4 seconds. This really helps me, especially in ‘social’ situations you could say like school. Wishing you the best, always here if you want to talk about it me or about ANYTHING! Ahhh this comment is too long HAHAH, sending my best wishes ^_^♡ xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. hideawaygirl

      Thankyou! I told my mum and she’s being really supportive. I think we are going to discuss as a family if it’s time to go back to a chancellor. I’ll make sure to use the breathing technique 🙂 Thankyou for your support, it’s incredible xx

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Hemangini

    hey dear 🙂 hifi… Hows you today?
    I am not going to say anything new that others haven’t suggest but I am gonna say it anyway. Tell your family and friends. Anxiety gets less when you talk about it with someone who even if they don’t get it are ready to listen. Write about it, in your private journal or here. Above all, we are all here to support you. I know physical presence means a lot but if that isn’t possible having someone who understands means a lot. Your attacks began when you were very young so its different from anyone who had it because of some reason, so be prepared to be misunderstood but don’t give up.

    Please stay positive 🙂 I am with you on this. 🙂
    Hugs
    Love
    Hema

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Jess

    You are anything but an attention seeker. Whoever called you that clearly doesn’t know a thing about mental health at all. Anxiety affects 1 in 6 young Australians, let alone the rest of the world so you are not alone. Also, you not knowing what causes your panic attacks is normal. Even though I personally usually can suss out the cause of mine, panic attacks are unfortunately random and sometimes with an unknown cause, and that’s just the upsetting facts of it. You may feel like you can’t control them, and that’s just one of the many annoying things about panic attacks. You just wish for them to go away, you wish for them to stop and you wish that there might be that one time that you’re exposed to your triggers and it just doesn’t happen – I know, I’ve been there. I have a couple of friends with anxiety and panic attacks, and one of my friends told me that her therapist (I don’t go bc I’m lucky enough that I don’t get them too often, and also my family kind of lowkey and silently don’t really understand it) told her to focus all her breathing into one area, like focusing on breathing in and out below your ribs, or somewhere else. I’ve tried it and it definitely works. Also, never be afraid to confide in a friend. Friends, especially those who have been through it before, are one of the best things when I have a panic attack as they are supportive to no end.

    But just, never ever ever feel like you are insane, or crazy or anything like that because you have anxiety. There are so many others that experience the same as you (me being one of them!) and if you’re insane then we’re all insane too. But as Alice says, all the best people are (;

    Lots of love and hugs,
    – Jess xx (:

    Liked by 1 person

    1. hideawaygirl

      Thank you so much! I don’t think I’ve ever had such a long comment 🙂
      I’m also sorry that I haven’t replied in such a long time. I took a small break to focus on my anxiety and I feel a lot more free. I’ve told my friends and I’ve decided this isn’t something to be ashamed of. I’m also thinking about starting to help other people like me 🙂
      This comment brings me such joy and happiness that someone takes the time to talk. Thank you 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  13. Wes Turner

    I’m so sorry this is happening!

    My story is pretty similar to yours, but while my panic attacks haven’t gone away necessarily, I’ve learned to find support and get through them in the best way for me, so that it doesn’t affect my life like it once did.

    I hope the same for you!

    Liked by 1 person

  14. literallyinterestedinbooks

    I have recently started having panic attacks and have finally admitted to myself that I need to seek answers and came across your post. You don’t remember any kind of “trigger” that may have started this?
    About 6 years ago, I had an allergic reaction to an antibiotic I was taking and nearly died. I believe my panic attacks are tied to fear of death. Every time my Dr gives me some type of new medication (especially an antibiotic), I immediately take it with Benadryl and freak out at the first sign of anything that could be a serious side effect. One night a few months ago, I was so scared because I felt like I couldn’t breathe and I could not calm down. My hands were shaking, I was crying and I couldn’t make it stop. I have had other panic attacks over the last few months where I was worried about my or my family’s death and it makes me sound like I am crazy, but I promise I am not. I just fear and think about death more than the average person, and work myself up into a panic over it.

    If you think back and try to remember if there was some kind of trigger, or something that happens frequently before your panic attacks, maybe that can help you get a handle on them

    Liked by 1 person

    1. hideawaygirl

      Thank you this comment and it must be so difficult for you to have this allergy 😦
      My first panic attack was just after my friend died and well ones that I have now could be in a crowded areas, loud noises, unwanted attention and a lot more things but I don’t really have a main trigger really.

      Like

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