I was going to write this on my personal private blog where it’s on private so nobody can view it and it’s basically a diary for me but I think I kinda need to address this in my blog where 430 of you read it and I know it sometimes helps to read these posts.
Also, I don’t think I’ve ever uploaded this late.
On this blog, I don’t really address my anxiety as much as other bloggers because I use this blog as a place where I can enjoy writing about other things and forgetting about my problems.
Let me give you a small summary my anxiety history is:
I started to have panic attacks when I was in Year 6. My first one was when I was at a school fair. I don’t know what really triggered it but I remember feeling very crowded and wanting to be in a big space on my own where nobody could touch me. I started shaking and my friends didn’t know what was happening so they got me to a quiet spot and left me there for 1o minutes or so to calm me down.
My panic attacks got frequently worse that summer and I started to realised this was a problem because I started to become afraid of going out of the house but I didn’t really do anything about it and I didn’t tell my parents what I was feeling so I locked myself in my bedroom that summer.
When I got to Year 7, my panic attacks were very frequent..sometimes every two hours and it was very stressful of me going to school where I didn’t have many friends and I got a bit teased.I didn’t want to go to school and I felt very very tight…which sounds very confusing but it’s the only way to describe it. I think when I started becoming friends with Lily, going to school became more easier and happier.
My parents started to notice that there was something strange about me so they sent me to a children’s psychiatrist and I spoke about my anxiety. I did a session every week for about a year but I stopped as I thought it was getting a lot better.
In Year 8, my anxiety was a lot more better but I was very quiet about them and I only told a few friends. Whenever I felt like I was going to have a panic attack, I would go away or I would get very stressed, angry and upset which sometimes led to arguments with the ones I love.
I used to have reasons for my anxiety but now, I don’t. It can be whenever or wherever.Today, I had one when getting out of class and I was walking really fast to get out of the building. Half way through writing my last blog post, I had another one and I had to calm myself down. And it feels embarrassing writing this but I couldn’t control my tears and I felt very sick.
I’m very loud with my friends but inside, I’m very quiet about my anxiety and I hate talking about it. I hate it.
I wish I didn’t have it. I wish parts of my day I have to sit down and breathe. That my hands didn’t shake and my legs not being able to walk me across the room when having a panic attack.
I have no idea why I have these panic attacks and I seem to be the only one who doesn’t have a reason.
I feel so crowded and it’s hard.
I think the reason why I don’t talk about this on my blog is because I like to make a happy positive atmosphere for you guys and I feel you think I’m a attention seeker. People, outside of blogging, have told me I am..
These panic attacks have come more frequent lately and I don’t know what to do..
I thought I was doing okay and that these were finally going to end..