Hi,everyone! When writing this, I’m trying to be more positive but it isn’t working so please don’t think I’m back to my happy self because I’m not but of course, I will be soon. Yesterday, writing about my anxiety helped slightly but it better than not helping. You gave me so much support and love in the comments, it was amazing and I felt so much less alone.
So far today, I’ve had two panic attacks today and I can already feel another one coming. Does anyone else have that feeling of ‘shit.It’s happening’ and butterflies fluttering around your chest? That’s happening to me right now.
As you may know, I volunteer at a children’s gymnastics club on a Saturday morning and I really enjoy it. I have so much energy when I’m there and I get along with the kids. But today, I didn’t feel like my usual self and I was petrified that I was going to have another panic attack.
A quarter through the session, I was fine. I was helping the little kids do some gymnastics, I was joking around with the other coaches and I felt confident. But when in the middle of being in charge of a large group of toddlers, which I’ve done many times before, this panic just took over me and I started tearing up. The little kids could tell I was upset and they were asking if I was alright. The thing is I was meant to be looking after them, not them looking after me. It made it worse, I think.
Another coach took over as he could see I wasn’t able to do it and I needed time to breathe. Nobody at gymnastics really gets what I was going through and that’s understandable.
Even though, I’m not pathetic because I’m having these, I still feel so pathetic.
I’ve let myself down.
But Thankyou guys so much for your support and I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have this blog. I also promise this will be my last sad post this month 🙂
Hideaway Girl xxx