It’s been three years. Alot has happened and I feel like you’re kinda missing out on this. And I feel this slight guilt in that, I’m here and you’re not. When writing the last letter to you, I felt a lot more was off my mind and that I was kinda speaking to you through the letter.
Is this destiny? That I’m here, alive. But you’re not here and you will still be the little girl who never grew up. I don’t understand how people can believe in a God. I don’t know how they can believe that you were God’s plan to be taken away.
You never had the chance to experience love, the rush of it. You will never get the chance to have a kid and see it grow up. You never got experience the full pack of life.
I would be lying if I said that I’m crying in floods of tears right now. I’m not and I would feel bad if I was. What’s the point in crying? It’s not going to do anything.
J still hasn’t mentioned you and it’s been three years. It scares me that he hasn’t spoken about it once. I think he still feels sadness in his heart that you’re gone, you really were special to him.
I know you didn’t want to die. You were full of life even when you were so ill.
You would have started secondary school now. You would be doing so well in school right now. Probably in the high sets for everything, you were so intelligent. Maybe one of the boys or girls in the class would have a crush on you.But you would regret them because you think it’s stupid to have a relationship at the age of 12.
That makes me laugh.
You would look older and that’s crazy to even imagine that. I can’t imagine it. You would still have your short brown hair or maybe you would have it long because you never had the chance to have it long.
Actually I can imagine it.
You would have short hair straight but with the same cheeky smile. You would have a ‘tomboyish’ backpack as you weren’t into the girly things and maybe wear a skirt? I don’t know.
But thank you for just showing me that life is a gift and should be used until we are so tired of the game when we are old and grey.
Hideaway Girl xxx
I’m sorry for this post but I needed to write this and I know there is people in this community who was/is in the same situation as I was/am.
A had leukaemia and died of it at the age of nine. J (my brother) was very close with her so she would hang out with us whenever she was capable of. Her life and death have taught me things which a lot of teenagers haven’t.
I wrote this for myself and I only uploaded this in case if it helped any of you.
Not for attention or anything. I don’t want sympathy, I don’t need it or deserve it.
But I want you to live your life and take what you have for granted.