Dear A, it’s been three years.

Dear A,

It’s been three years. Alot has happened and I feel like you’re kinda missing out on this. And I feel this slight guilt in that, I’m here and you’re not. When writing the last letter to you, I felt a lot more was off my mind and that I was kinda speaking to you through the letter.

Is this destiny? That I’m here, alive. But you’re not here and you will still be the little girl who never grew up. I don’t understand how people can believe in a God. I don’t know how they can believe that you were God’s plan to be taken away.

You never had the chance to experience love, the rush of it. You will never get the chance to have a kid and see it grow up. You never got experience the full pack of life.

I would be lying if I said that I’m crying in floods of tears right now. I’m not and I would feel bad if I was. What’s the point in crying? It’s not going to do anything.

J still hasn’t mentioned you and it’s been three years. It scares me that he hasn’t spoken about it once. I think he still feels sadness in his heart that you’re gone, you really were special to him.

I know you didn’t want to die. You were full of life even when you were so ill.

You would have started secondary school now. You would be doing so well in school right now. Probably in the high sets for everything, you were so intelligent. Maybe one of the boys or girls in the class would have a crush on you.But you would regret them because you think it’s stupid to have a relationship at the age of 12.

That makes me laugh.

You would look older and that’s crazy to even imagine that. I can’t imagine it. You would still have your short brown hair or maybe you would have it long because you never had the chance to have it long.

Actually I can imagine it.

You would have short hair straight but with the same cheeky smile. You would have a ‘tomboyish’ backpack as you weren’t into the girly things and maybe wear a skirt? I don’t know.

But thank you for just showing me that life is a gift and should be used until we are so tired of the game when we are old and grey.

Hideaway Girl xxx

I’m sorry for this post but I needed to write this and I know there is people in this community who was/is in the same situation as I was/am.

A had leukaemia and died of it at the age of nine. J (my brother) was very close with her so she would hang out with us whenever she was capable of. Her life and death have taught me things which a lot of teenagers haven’t.


I wrote this for myself and I only uploaded this in case if it helped any of you.

Not for attention or anything. I don’t want sympathy, I don’t need it or deserve it.

But I want you to live your life and take what you have for granted.













  1. Elm

    This was powerful and raw and had so many emotions in it that it hurt my heart. I don’t believe in God, so I can’t say ‘she’s in a better place now.’ But she had you, and your brother, and through it you TRULY appreciate what life is. A lot of people can’t say that they do, in the same way you do.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. perfectreverie

    Oh my God. I’m sorry for your loss. I actually had a very close friend who died about a year ago because of leukaemia too and this honestly made me tear up. He was only 15 and he was my bestest friend in the entire world. Thank you for this post πŸ™‚ it gives me courage to write about him in my blog, something I was hesitant to do earlier

    Liked by 2 people

      1. perfectreverie

        Yes omg you’re not alone πŸ™‚
        I will 100% write about my experience now. In fact I have written about it, but it’s just never made it up to the blog! Thanks again for the support πŸ™‚


  3. eternallydecember

    Heartbreaking, powerful, and emotional. I hope you are doing okay and you heal as much as possible. Never forget A, for he/she is always going to be a part of you. Your writing was moving.


  4. booklife771

    Dear Hideaway Girl
    I’m reading this post in class because I had to find and blog and follow it. I can kind of relate to this. It’s not my friend of a friend of my brother’s that I knew. It’s my grandpa. He’s had Leukemia for 18 years. The doctors told him he wasn’t going to make it three more years, but that was six years ago. He’s now holding on to the end of it and i feel the only reason he’s still he is because he’s holding on for us. Your post reminded my of him and I started crying in class. I want to thank you. This post means a lot to me.

    Liked by 1 person

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