Hi,everyone! So Autumn is just around the corner and oh my lord, I can’t wait XD It’s not just because my birthday is in October and because it’s nearer to Christmas, there’s so other many things 🙂
I don’t know about you but I’m going to be living in big comforty jumpers and leggings while this lasts (though I did wear Autumn clothes in the summer but you know, it’s Britain, the weather was awful). I’m so excited for the chilled nights of watching Stranger Things and snipping hot chocolate after school. It’s the atmosphere of Autumn that makes me so happy. I’m so much more happier in the Autumn 🙂
The oranges and reds of the season are so lovely to take photos of. I’ve seriously been looking at places near my house to go so I can get the perfect snaps for my instagram. How basic do I sound?!
Anyway, I should probably stop talking about the Autumn and just kinda tell you about what’s been going on recently in my brain.
My self confidence has kinda plummeted recently. I dunno why really because I should be happy with what’s been going on in my life but I still have this voice at the back of my brain telling me bad stuff about myself 24/7 and nobody can do something about it. It’s my brain.
I went back to school on Monday but I was so tired. I couldn’t go to sleep on Sunday because my thoughts of worry were whizzing around my head. I even wrote a list down during that night of why I wasn’t feeling great.
Reasons why I am (was) worried
- The bitching is going to start happening again at school.
- My panic attacks will become more frequent at school.
- People are going to judge me even more than last year.
- The awkwardness of not knowing who people are in my class.
- Cycle of introducing but that scares me because I’m so shy.
- I’m going to see the stupid and annoying people this year who I’ve tried to avoid all summer.
- And this is Year 10, the year before my exams and I need to step up my game.
So the next day, I couldn’t concentrate and I was like half-alive because I was so tired.
Anyway I realized that I shouldn’t have worried so much because:
- Bitching is bitching. It’s going to happen everywhere and well, the only thing I can do is try to not get involved this year.
- My panic attacks aren’t going to go away and actually my friends are there for me so if I ever feel my anxiety worsened, I can talk to them.
- Who cares if people are going to judge me?! It’s their problem and in actual fact, they probably don’t give a second glance to me. It’s me, I don’t stand out.
- I’m always going to be awkward because that’s me and also, I kinda just need to go and speak to people more and not to be so shy. Also, I know nearly everyone in my classes so I’m alright.
- Yeah there’s always going to be stupid people so I just need to figure out how to avoid them more at school.
- Okay, I do need to start revising a bit more. Someone told me the other day that I was clever but I just don’t work at it. I’m not clever but I do need to work at it and I will.
I kinda need to realise to grow up and stop worrying about things. I dunno maybe blogging a bit more will help me.
Anyway, I’ll see you again soon (depending on homework!)!
Hideaway Girl xxx