Hi,everyone! So recently, there’s been a lot of friendship drama going on and honestly, I’m not 100% innocent but I wasn’t the only one who did stuff wrong but you know, I’ve decided to leave behind the people who just won’t get over themselves and apologize.
Yesterday was probably the hardest day that I had in a while. I woke up in a bad mood and I wasn’t functioning well. Even when I got out of bed, I was (I want to swear but I can’t because I realised there’s a small young group of readers who read my blog so..)… peed off, let’s say. All week there’s been drama with me and everything. I didn’t want to speak to anyone because whenever I have spoken to someone this week, it’s 89% of the time been talking about drama. I walked up the road to meet my friend and I was there for a while, waiting for her (she’s normally late) so I was getting gradually more annoyed with the fact that everything didn’t seem to be going right. When she finally arrived, she brought up something which seemed so irrelevant and annoying (at the time) and I got peed off because it seemed like nothing compared to what has been going on and how I have felt during the past month. I exploded kinda. I don’t think I really shouted or anything but I just went crazy. My friend was also not in a good mood and it ended with her walking off so yeah…
In one of my lessons, my friend started crying and everyone knew it was about me… I felt all eyes on me and I was like ‘agrhhhhh..’ I don’t want another friendship broken. Anyway after class, I went to my other friend (let’s call her Katniss.) I nearly had a emotional breakdown (also I was having a panic attack) in the English corridor and I was trying so hard not to cry. I felt so bad. I felt like the biggest mean b**tch in the country.
I sat with another friendship group.This group included Katniss and my other friend, Keys;she plays the piano and she’s so brilliant at it (it’s crazy). Anyway, this group are sarcastic and well, funny. It was what I needed.
My lunch group that I normally sit with are perfect. They are all beautiful, clever and nice (well, some pretend to be). Boys like them and I would consider a lot of them to be popular in my opinion. I would say that I don’t fit into bcn (bcn=beautiful,clever,nice). I’m not very pretty, that’s my opinion and it won’t be changed. And even if I was pretty, I am not as pretty as them.They have clear skin, never a knot in their hair, lovely figures and thinking about it now, all of them have really awesome eyes.
I’m not that intelligent. Like I try to be;I revise my arse off at the weekends but they are naturally clever and I sometimes feel like they pity me. You would if you saw what I was like in physics. It can be distressing.
Anyway, I don’t really care anymore that I’m not as perfect as them. They are all wonderful people but even if I did look like someone out of Pretty Little Liars, I still wouldn’t feel like I fit in with them. Bcn are amazing but I feel like maybe, it shouldn’t be where I should be. I just feel even more lonely when I am with them.
Even with the group that I sat with yesterday, I don’t think I would be able to fit in with them. I don’t really fit in with anyone. And I feel so lonely.
I realised that the one of the only people that I need in my life was hurt because of me and I was so stupid. I just didn’t want to ruin something with my best friend so perfect. I couldn’t stand not having a laugh with her again and talking about things. She’s the only person that I can be 100% truthful with.
Anyway, I hope you all have a lovely weekend and remember if someone is in the wrong (and they know it) and they don’t care, leave them. They aren’t true friends if they can’t bring themselves to say sorry.
Hideaway Girl xxx