Yesterday.

Hi,everyone! So recently, there’s been a lot of friendship drama going on and honestly, I’m not 100% innocent but I wasn’t the only one who did stuff wrong but you know, I’ve decided to leave behind the people who just won’t get over themselves and apologize.

Yesterday was probably the hardest day that I had in a while. I woke up in a bad mood and I wasn’t functioning well. Even when I got out of bed, I was (I want to swear but I can’t because I realised there’s a small young group of readers who read my blog so..)… peed off, let’s say. All week there’s been drama with me and everything. I didn’t want to speak to anyone because whenever I have spoken to someone this week, it’s 89% of the time been talking about drama. I walked up the road to meet my friend and I was there for a while, waiting for her (she’s normally late) so I was getting gradually more annoyed with the fact that everything didn’t seem to be going right. When she finally arrived, she brought up something which seemed so irrelevant and annoying (at the time) and I got peed off because it seemed like ย nothing compared to what has been going on and how I have felt during the past month. I exploded kinda. I don’t think I really shouted or anything but I just went crazy. My friend was also not in a good mood and it ended with her walking off so yeah…

In one of my lessons, my friend started crying and everyone knew it was about me… I felt all eyes on me and I was like ‘agrhhhhh..’ I don’t want another friendship broken. Anyway after class, I went to my other friend (let’s call her Katniss.) I nearly had a emotional breakdown (also I was having a panic attack) in the English corridor and I was trying so hard not to cry. I felt so bad. I felt like the biggest mean b**tch in the country.

I sat with another friendship group.This group included Katniss and my other friend, Keys;she plays the piano and she’s so brilliant at it (it’s crazy). Anyway, this group are sarcastic and well, funny. It was what I needed.

My lunch group that I normally sit with are perfect. They are all beautiful, clever and nice (well, some pretend to be). Boys like them and I would consider a lot of them to be popular in my opinion. I would say that I don’t fit into bcn (bcn=beautiful,clever,nice). I’m not very pretty, that’s my opinion and it won’t be changed. And even if I was pretty, I am not as pretty as them.They have clear skin, never a knot in their hair, lovely figures and thinking about it now, all of them have really awesome eyes.

I’m not that intelligent. Like I try to be;I revise my arse off at the weekends but they are naturally clever and I sometimes feel like they pity me. You would if you saw what I was like in physics. It can be distressing.

Anyway, I don’t really care anymore that I’m not as perfect as them. They are all wonderful people but even if I did look like someone out of Pretty Little Liars, I still wouldn’t feel like I fit in with them. Bcn are amazing but I feel like maybe, it shouldn’t be where I should be. I just feel even more lonely when I am with them.

Even with the group that I sat ย with yesterday, I don’t think I would be able to fit in with them. I don’t really fit in with anyone. And I feel so lonely.

I realised that the one of the only people that I need in my life was hurt because of me and I was so stupid. I just didn’t want to ruin something with my best friend so perfect. I couldn’t stand not having a laugh with her again and talking about things. She’s the only person that I can be 100% truthful with.

Anyway, I hope you all have a lovely weekend and remember if someone is in the wrong (and they know it) and they don’t care, leave them. They aren’t true friends if they can’t bring themselves to say sorry.

Hideaway Girl xxx

 

 

 

 

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19 Comments

  1. Emma Anonymous Blog

    Hi Hideaway Girl! I totally understand how you feel about not being as pretty or smart – I’m there too and it’s not fun. There’s also been a bit of drama in my group of friends too. I just wanted to let you know that there are others out there that feel this way too and you shouldn’t beat yourself up about it. I bet if I met you I would think that you are perfect and I would probably be jealous. Anyway, I hope you don’t feel too bad. Thanks for writing this blog, it lets me know that I’m not alone. Thank you.

    xxx
    Emma Anonymous

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Elm

    I’m feeling emotional right now because I KNOW how you feel. I hurt someone that used to be very close to me recently, and she hates me now which I feel so guilty for. The friends at school are amazing, but I don’t fit into the GROUP. I just sometimes feel, like you, that I am not AS perfect, intelligent, pretty, funny as them. But you know what? We’re us and if people can’t deal with that, that’s not OUR problem.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Isabelle

    Friendships can be difficult sometimes! The important thing is to decide wether or not the people you are suffering for are worth it, and if the answer is yes, well then, do whatever you have to keep them in your life! And if you mess up sometimes, go with honesty and a thoughtful apology! It usually works! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  4. sprinkleofanonymous

    I know just how you feel! Although, it’s been my ‘friends’ that have been secretly hating me. I’ve been going through a really rough time but just so that you know, you ARE beautiful, kind and funny! I know that I don’t know you in real life but I can tell that every single one is lucky to have you as a friend.
    -SprinkleOfAnonymous xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  5. PerfectReverie

    You literally had the exact same week as me. I had this HUGE fight with one of my best friends. The thing is, she’s from a different squad, I’m from a different squad. I have no clue how we even became this close and once we fought, I thought it was done for good. Both the squads got involved and it was so “mean girls” like. I’m what you call the bcn group that everyone else finds bitchy af and I totally showed my maximum bitchiness.
    I wasn’t completely wrong. To some extent I was, but not completely. But I couldn’t not be her friend. It didn’t feel…. Right? Like something essential was missing. My life felt kind of imbalanced for a week and I thought I’d get over it. But then I saw her (let’s call her A) condition. The day she fought, she cried an ocean. Two days later she sort of had a freak out and she was not okay and I couldn’t leave her like that. So ofc I went and apologized and now we’re fine.
    You will be too! I swear you will!
    Stay strong ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  6. The Average Gurl

    I totally understand how you feel! I went through this last year in school and it was horrible๐Ÿ˜” And i understand that you feel lonely but when the right time comes, you will meet the right friends. Stay strong girl๐Ÿ’–

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Chaotic Caramels

    I get it. It’s happened to me before, and I’m having a different type now. I’m dealing with tons of drama right now. My friend (let’s call her Bambi, because she’s smol, deer colors, and adorable) has this other girl who I’m friends with (Locks for this, she’s got insanely long hair) wanting to slap her. HARD. I’m not sure why they hate each other, but it’s divided us.
    Plus, my friend likes the guy I like, and she’s being insanely salty to me, as if she knows I like him. And my other friend (let’s call her Nancy because a reference) is feeling depressed, like the literal condition. It’s pulling me in different directions, all while I’m thinking I don’t belong anywhere because I’m having to try hard.

    Like

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