Hi,everyone! How are you all? So..I’ve been invited to a party. A party. Which is tomorrow. Like never in my entire life at secondary school, would I think I would get invited to one. In year 7, I was that weirdo of the year (but bearing in mind, everyone is a weirdo in Year 7) so I was really weird and well, I didn’t fit in at all. I feel like how I was ‘weird’ was down to how I looked to everyone else and that kinda made me seem/feel like an outcast and was the loner of the year. But now, I’m going to a party. Jesus Maccarino.
The year 7 me, right now, is having a mental breakdown and doesn’t know how the hell she is going to interact with people in this situation. Like I’m so not-cool. I don’t like dancing in front of people and I hate it when I can’t hear someone talking and so you have to nod and shrug. The last time I was in a ‘party’ situation was when I was at a school disco in Year 6 and this boy kept following me around the tiny gymnastics hall trying to get me to kiss him but nah, I wasn’t interested in boys then and I thought I was so cool because I had a boy who kept following me. Oh god, it makes me want to cringe now.
Even then, I used to have panic attacks in the primary school discos so what the hell am I going to be like on Sunday?!
Like I’m getting anxious thinking about it now and I really don’t want to go but I feel like I should go because it will be good to get out of my comfort zone and I already promised my friend a lift there so I can’t really cancel now.
The house,where the party is, is like a 20 minute drive from mine but I’m not trusting google maps so it will probably be 30 minutes. I feel like if I had a panic attack at the party, I won’t be able to get home quick enough to kinda let it all out.
I know everyone who is going but I don’t really have that many friends going and a lot of people invited are people who I don’t hang out with and are very gossipy and well.. ‘cool’ or ‘popular’. I just don’t want me to be the girl who is socially awkward and has panic attacks when it’s too loud and crowded.
I’m basically like a goat going into a lion’s cage… I’m fucked.
I feel like if I do get panicky, my friends won’t stick with me and think I’m overreacting and will leave me…
For outfits, I dunno how I feel about what I’m going to be wearing though. It’s this lacy black t shirt which you would have to wear a strapless bra for, I’ll be wearing leggings and of course, a pair of converse. It looks like a funeral outfit but I feel like for this time of year, it’s okay to wear it and I’m going to try and do some dark makeup with drawn on veins under my eyes. Vampire Diaries Style.
But compared to what my friends are wearing, I’m going to look over dressed and well the duff of the group. They are all wearing things which show skin and look so incredible on them but I hate showing any flesh and I’m kinda self-conscious about wearing stuff like that.
I know I’m not fat or anything but I feel like even more vulnerable and awkward in dresses and shorts so I guess I kinda have to just go with what I’m wearing.
Carlos isn’t going because the girl who’s hosting it uninvited him because they don’t get along. I kinda feel that’s good in a way because Carlos won’t have to limp around the place (he got injured in this rugby match and I’ve been basically nursing him this half term.. I’m such a lovely person.) but Carlos is worried about me going. And if Carlos is worried about me going then I’m totally nervous about going.
Oh well, I’ll tell you guys on Monday on what happens (if I’ve survived) but if any of you guys have any party anxiety tips or whatever, please tell me because I don’t know what the hell to do.
Hideaway Girl xxx