Bad dreams.

Whenever I feel crap, I grab my laptop. Go on wordpress, scroll through my favourite bloggers and read. Sometimes I write but I normally don’t publish them as I feel like it isn’t something I want to upload and for you guys to read and well , make your day a little more gloomy.

But today, I need to write to just talk about my crap week with myself and maybe, one of you will just get it and will understand where I’m coming from.

So my week has been long like painfully long. I have exams next week and well, I’ve been revising my arse off for them every night and it’s mentally exhausting. I feel so tired and my brain just turns into mush at the end of the day. Today, I’ve been revising all day even though it’s a Saturday and well, I still feel like I haven’t achieved anything like I’ve been sitting around all day (which I haven’t been, I’ve got back pains because I’ve been over a laptop for hours). I need to get these grades so much; it’s what I’ve been dreaming of since I was 9 and well, even though I revise huge amounts, I don’t get the result that I want. I wish I was one of those people who don’t revise at all and get an A on their math exam. Oh well, one can dream which brings me onto this.

As being mentally exhausted from all the work, my sleep has been hell. I normally get nightmares every night (dark, I know) but these dreams have recently been getting worse and I’ve been waking up at 1 in the morning crying. I literally feel alive and awake in my dream. I make the choices, feel the emotions, know the people and know in real life, where the dream was. When I wake up, it takes 20 minutes to calm myself down and to get to grips that it wasn’t real.

My dreams, this week, have been about terrorism, losing teeth, getting raped, losing someone and running from this huge crowd of people. The dreams literally feel so real like I can’t describe it. The rape dream affected me all day and I couldn’t concentrate in class, I even nearly slapped this girl in this face for being so damn rude. I felt so violated, disgusted and ashamed. I kinda felt like I was being pathetic in feeling like that as it wasn’t real but somehow, it felt like that happened.

I don’t want to think about the dreams. All of them made me wake up crying or for the rape one, scared and panicky all day.

This week has been so crap in other ways and I don’t really know how to feel.

I just feel so upset and tired.

Hideaway Girl xxx

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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30 Comments

  1. Jemima

    Wow… deep stuff. Have you considered talking it out? It seems like there’s some sort of deep rooted event causing this since it all started this week. Maybe something traumatic? Gosh I don’t know, I hope you feel better soon. All the best

    Liked by 3 people

  2. GeorgieGrl

    Hi,
    I get really vivid dreams too, so when I have a nightmare it can be really horrible. I find that having some dim fairy lights on in my room at night helps, as then if I wake up from a really bad dream, it makes the darkness of my room seem cosy and comforting, if that makes any sense (?).
    Good luck with your exams πŸ™‚

    Like

  3. sprinkleofanonymous

    This is so horrible but I and I’m sure the rest of your readers won’t mind you posting about your bad days because we know how much posting helps you! I’m not someone you’d go to for help but I’d be so happy to help you because talking through it, with anyone, would make you feel better. My advice is to not bottle it up and talk to someone. If you need to talk my email is sprinklesofanonymous@gmail.com. I hope you’re feeling better soon x

    Like

  4. xskynightingale

    I’m so sorry. 😦 I took an exam this morning and you can’t imagine the stress I had heaved off my shoulders and how relieved I feel. Just remember there’s always a light at the end of a tunnel, and that you’ll always be able to talk to someone about this. What about your parents? I’m sure they’ll listen to you, and if that doesn’t work I suggest getting at least 10 minutes of down time every day. You’ll feel better, I promise.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Luna

    it’s horrible that you’re struggling with this and i don’t know what to say other than we’ll always be here you *hugs* if it happens for much longer there could possibly be some reason why you’re having them?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Courtney Edwards

      Im sorry that your going through something like this. I feel your pain of feeling tired because I’m also craming a bunch of studying in for exams as well as having basketball practice. I never seem to be getting sleep anymore. Im sorry your dealing with this and wish I could help in any way.

      Like

  6. Courtney Edwards

    I feel your pain. I have exams coming up and are trying to cram all the studying in for them as well as having basketball practice every night. My days are long and exhausting and I feel I’m never getting sleep anymore. Im sorry that you have these nightmares and I wish I could give you some helpful tips on how to avoid them. Im here if you need anything ❀

    Liked by 1 person

  7. dewdrops0213

    That’s just horrible. Dreams can represent our feelings or stress. Please take time to calm yourself, and relax. It’s all going to be okay. If you work like this, you aren’t going to remember or learn as good if you exhaust yourself. Please remember to take breaks and calm down. It will refresh your mind, and soul. And yes, I understand- “does this look like the time to take a bath with candles and pamper myself?” well uh maybe not but it’s good to have a fresh mind. When you feel your brain being mush, stop and relax, you deserve it. If you feel restless and unproductive, eat something or go back to work. Sleep early and please get good rest. Sweet dreams! I remember feeling like this. I had a horrible, HORRIBLE dream, and this whole week I felt sleep deprived. I’m depressed and the sleep nightmare thing isn’t helping me. Some days I felt super restless and I just paced around. The first thing to do is calm down. Get energy, eat, etc. I always think, well, next saturday i’ll be alive, i’ll be sitting here, it’s okay. I’ll look back to the exam next week and think, it’s over. Of course you’ll pass! No one fails right, it’s very rare. If you are working this hard you’ll be sure to pass.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. inspirinqyou

    Aw that must be horrible. I think if you take a warm bath with bubbles and relax a bit. You won’t be as stressed x I get stressed easily and when I just lie on my bed a few minutes and think things through it helps so much. Also try writing your dreams in a notebook or something and searching the meanings up and try and solve the problems because it might mean that your unconscious mind wants you to feel a bit secure of life or something aha x I hope you share more of this with us, your followers, so we can share tips and stuff πŸ™‚ x

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Pinky's Space

    AWH, I completely get you cause night mares haunt me too!! Okay, this sounds lame but I have this like dream dictionary by Ian Wallace which is actually so interesting. If you believe in that kinda thing it actually explains things which are going on in your life and normally negative things are about negative thoughts and accepting yourself … maybe look is up if your into that kinda thing πŸ™‚ xxx

    Liked by 1 person

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