Hi,everyone! Fun fact:I’m writing a blog post while watching Big Bang theory which I’ve never done before as I always have complete silence from the occasional Kings of Leon. (Later, I decided to listen to Coldplay, whoops)
I wanted to talk about my anxiety on here again as I don’t like to talk about it with any of my friends, family or even Carlos at the moment as I feel like it just isn’t something they want to hear so I thought I would write a blog post on it. It’s also easier for me to write rather than to talk about it.
Today, in psychology, my teacher started talking about phobias and anxiety, and how herself has had anxiety and has gotten help from it.It’s crazy how mental illness and anxiety has become a little more accepted than it has in the past few years as I feel like in 2013 or even 2014, she wouldn’t have dared to go in front of the classroom and tell a bunch of teenagers of her experience;I found it really inspiring. I started to feel very uncomfortable in the classroom as I felt she knew that I knew what she meant and I felt everyone knew there was ‘something wrong with me’. It was just my mind making me paranoid to be fair.
Some of you may know that I have a massive fear (some say phobia) about loud noises. I think in year 8, I refused to go outside for like the first week in the summer holidays incase I heard a slightly loud noise like a car door slamming (it was pretty extreme compared to now). My anxiety and fear got so bad that my mum decided to send me to therapy which did help as I got to talk and process in a safe and calm environment from loud noises.
However, I still get panic attacks frequently. I think they are slowly rising because of the pressure of my future exams and that I’m failing science so badly… like really badly. I can’t talk to anyone about it at the moment and I feel like I’m back to square one because sometimes, at the weekends, I refuse to go outside because I’m too self-conscious and scared that people are judging me so I use the excuse of ‘revision’.
I went to town with my Carlos and my another friend on Saturday. I couldn’t queue up in any of the shops that I went into apart from New Look (as I’m familiar with the staff,I’m a New Look addict). I dunno, I just can’t queue in lines anymore because I get so confused easily.
My anxiety has gone from I can cope to I’m exhausted from crying and shaking all the time. I feel like it’s just pressure from school, not having a part time job at the moment and also from parting away from friends a little.
Growing up is scaring me as well which isn’t something a 15 year old should be scared of but it’s because I will have to look after myself when I can’t even look after my dying cactus. I should probably water it. I’m a plant killer, geez.
I’m not trying to brag or make you feel sad or whatever about my anxiety but I wanted to write this all day because I needed to talk about it but without having to explain myself, if you know what I mean?
Anyway, I would love to get some emails from you guys so you can email me at firstname.lastname@example.org,
Hideaway Girl xxx