I was engaged to a 5o year old.

A bit on the funny side, Uncategorized by astrid

Hi,everyone! And god, I love you guys so much…. *rudely interrupted by Ed Sheeran’s weird and slightly disturbing huffing vocal thing in the new song Barcelona and now, I’m dancing while pretending to be in Malaga already…BARCELONA.. BARCELONA…BARCELONA. I think I now have a new song to shake my shoulders to*

It’s friday and boy, I’m think I’m the most exhausted I’ve been in a while. By the way, I really loved replying to your comments today because I’ve been away for a while and coming back yesterday, has given me this weird inspiration to get through the day to write this blog post. It’s just weird how much I love blogging… I love you more than pizza and that’s a pretty big proposal.

Today, I’m going to tell you the story of when I got engaged to 50 year old man.

Yes, I had another man in my life while with Reece and the story begins in the tiny cafe I was working in during last summer of 2016.

This cafe wasn’t The Ritz of the small town I live in. It had one broken boiler(which made me wash dishes in freezing cold water), they forgot to pay for the holy dishwasher and the hygiene was worse than a prison cafeteria (I saw them drop, sneeze and keep over date food and put it on a plate).

Although the cafe was probably the most disgusting cafe to eat in, I really liked the customers, the people I worked with and the pay. However, there was one regular, who didn’t actually buy anything but ‘borrowed’ money, was this 50 year old overweight alcoholic who we will call ‘Paul’.

The first time I met Paul was when I was trying to master the latte (which you don’t know how bloody annoying it is to make and how many times I have wanted to pour a latte over a customer when they complained about the time it took to make it). I suddenly heard this painful wailing and a man at the till was asking where my boss was but I couldn’t understand a word he was saying as he was slurring so much and I was so distracted by what he was wearing;he was wearing a  grey vest which had the most obvious sweat marks I have ever seen with a hairy fat stomach and arm pits pouring out of it. I never saw him wear a different vest from that day and gained many other mystery stains since then.

After trying to calm him down for about 30 minutes and reassure the customers everything was fine, my boss came back from Londis to see me trying to get a 50 year old man to stop crying. The moment my boss came back, I was escaping to the sanctuary of the  kitchen so I didn’t have to deal with this man who kept snotting everywhere and looking at my chest in most unobvious way.

Finally, Paul calmed down and came to say goodbye to me. He said to my boss ‘I don’t know how you could get work done with that sexy face around’.. I actually was so close to throw a cheap mug at him, my feminist inside me was fuming. However, my boss said ‘sorry mate, she’s taken by an emo boy.’ and he replied with ‘Well, I need to put a ring on her first then’.

I thought he was joking..

Paul found out the hours I worked and would come to the cafe whenever I worked or he needed cash and an English breakfast which I hated so much because he was nice but he was so so so creepy. He always would ask me about Reece and if we were still together and he would always call me ‘babe’ or compliment me even know he knew I was under the age of 18.

One day, on my day off, I got a call off my boss who was laughing hysterically telling me to come in and bring Reece.

When I got into the cafe, my boss was literally grinning ear to ear like an annoying little brother and said that I had a surprise from Paul. My initial reaction was oh god, my boss told Pete it was my birthday again and so he’s given me a fiver.

But no, I was given this fake plastic yellow diamond ring from Paul.. who got my boss to ask me his proposal.

Of course, I said no but my boss said I jumped for joy and said yes to Paul..

Whenever Paul came in from then on, I would take my lunch break or wash up so I didn’t have to speak to him but he still thought the engagement was real. You probably think I’m overreacting but this drug addict thought I was going to be this future wife and he made it pretty clear to all of the customers. One of the old ladies would always ask me about Paul and me like we were an actual thing. It was that ridiculous.

The cafe suddenly closed down in October (probably due to how much money they gave Paul)  and didn’t tell me. However, Paul lives quite near me so whenever I see him, I jump across the road and hide. I think the engagement is off now as I saw him with a woman the other day and they looked pretty happy. It was gross but I was so relieved.

Good old Paul.

Hideaway Girl xxx

Advertisements

49 Comments

  2. Inspired Teen
    Reply

    This is so creepy and weird! I can picture the exact type of person you mean though although luckily enough I’ve never encountered one of them face-to-face. It’s crazy that your boss went along with it! They should have stood by you and told him to go away and stop harassing you! Not make it worse! Poor you.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. theiridescentworldofindy
    Reply

    Ohmygod! This post was so funny and it made my day. I read your other post about how you said you were going to be daily blogging and that makes me so happy! Especially because I daily blog too and it always makes me feel calm and when I’m talking about something that’s going on in my life, it helps me to evaluate the situation and get perspectives from other people that I might not have thought of!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. theiridescentworldofindy

        So so happy about you daily blogging! Your posts always feel so genuine and real like we’re old friends talking even though I’ve never met you. I have two research projects and a science prac coming up, which makes me really stressed; and your posts always calm me when I’m anxious, so thank you.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Ljoy N
    Reply

    OMG! I’m dying! This is so creepy, weird and so funny at the same time. You described Paul so well that I can literally visualize him perfectly. Ahhh this is officially my favourite post from you!!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Regina5000
    Reply

    Omg that was so weird!! I have nothing to say but WHAAAT?? 😮 I’m so sorry that happened to you, when I first read the title of the post I thought it was gonna be like a hot 50 year old or something. 😛 But it’d still be creepy!!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Chloe Lauren
    Reply

    WOW! That is what I call some serious storytelling haha! I work in a cafe actually, but thankfully it has a christian connection and the customers are all awesome and the staff are great. I have to admit just the title had me a little on edge to begin with haha.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Elm
    Reply

    I HAVE TEARS RUNNING DOWN MY FACE I’m LAUGHING SO HARD OMG!!!!!! Good old Paul!! I hope he’s happy though seriously. I’m sorry this is the funniest thing; it’s creepy and kinda gross but awwwww my gosh the customers sound fab! This has literally made my day and chethed me up; THANK YOU!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  18. teenwanderlust1
    Reply

    Ok that is so scary! I would probably quit that job or something! ( I feel like a stalker for reading this so far away from when you posted it but I saw the name and I just had to read it!

    Liked by 1 person

  22. l.a.
    Reply

    omg yesss you like ed sheeran too! haha, i get what you mean about blogging. i’ve been posting on my personal blog for 7 years now, and i realize that makes me sound very old, but it’s actually just because i started very young (which is evident in the horrendous grammar and organization of my first posts lol. not to mention the cringe-worthy everything). sometimes i take breaks, some longer than others, but i always end up coming back. i’m sure i’ll be back to posting regularly now, after some newfound inspiration.
    yaaasss you have a feminist side toooo!! omg that’s such a hilarious story, at your expense though lol. i’m glad paul’s gone now. he reminds me of this old man who hits on the trainers at my gym.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

Gravatar
WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. ( Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. ( Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. ( Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. ( Log Out /  Change )

Cancel

Connecting to %s