Hi,everyone! Yesterday, my post was really really short, I think it may be the shortest post that I’ve ever done. I didn’t go to school today because I was so panicked and paranoid that I couldn’t get myself out of bed. It’s just one of those weeks except this has being going on for about 2 weeks and gradually getting worse. I don’t really know why it is but I just feel like I hate myself all the time which makes me paranoid about people leaving me and something bad happening.
My brain is very confusing. When I think of a situation such as a terrorist attack could have a tinist weenist chance of happening, that will be on my mind all day and fear would consist over other emotions. Of course, at some points of the day, I’m distracted but the moment I’m in a crowded place, such as walking through the corridors at school, I’m immediately thinking back to a horrific made-up situation.
It doesn’t help that I’m having those nightmares again.
Also, I can’t stand physical contact these past few days. It’s weird because I’m normally always going up to my friends and hugging them but this week, I’m doing anything to avoid or the next, I will want physical contact so badly. I just don’t get it.
Sometimes (but recently often) after school, I buy a ton of junk food when I’m feeling so crap. It’s so unhealthy and boring but it’s a habit. It’s like I’m trying to fill this hole up but it’s never filled so I keep eating.
My brain is so confusing and I know a lot of you won’t understand what I’m saying but when my brain is fed anxiety, it gives out paranoia. I’m just scared it’s going to ruin things.
On a happier note, I have a new video idea which hopefully will be filmed this weekend and I’m actually looking forward to see if it works. It’s quite different to what I have done so far.
I’m excited for that at least,
Hideaway Girl xxx