my brain is confusingggggg

Hi,everyone! Yesterday, my post was really really short, I think it may be the shortest post that I’ve ever done. I didn’t go to school today because I was so panicked and paranoid that I couldn’t get myself out of bed. It’s just one of those weeks except this has being going on for about 2 weeks and gradually getting worse. I don’t really know why it is but I just feel like I hate myself all the time which makes me paranoid about people leaving me and something bad happening.

My brain is very confusing. When I think of a situation such as a terrorist attack could have a tinist weenist chance of happening, that will be on my mind all day and fear would consist over other emotions. Of course, at some points of the day, I’m distracted but the moment I’m in a crowded place, such as walking through the corridors at school, I’m immediately thinking back to a horrific made-up situation.

It doesn’t help that I’m having those nightmares again.

Also, I can’t stand physical contact these past few days. It’s weird because I’m normally always going up to my friends and hugging them but this week, I’m doing anything to avoid or the next, I will want physical contact so badly. I just don’t get it.

Sometimes (but recently often) after school, I buy a ton of junk food when I’m feeling so crap. It’s so unhealthy and boring but it’s a habit. It’s like I’m trying to fill this hole up but it’s never filled so I keep eating.

My brain is so confusing and I know a lot of you won’t understand what I’m saying but when my brain is fed anxiety, it gives out paranoia.Β I’m just scared it’s going to ruin things.

On a happier note, I have a new video idea which hopefully will be filmed this weekend and I’m actually looking forward to see if it works. It’s quite different to what I have done so far.

I’m excited for that at least,

Hideaway Girl xxx

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16 Comments

  1. Elm

    I don’t have this as serious as you do, but I do understand. Paranoia’s a bitch and makes you feel SHIT. As much as you tell yourself the situation will never happen, your mind won’t listen and screams at you that it MIGHT!! If you meed help, just tell me okay? Thanks for posting about this; you’re brave to get your emotions out there.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. papergirl08

    Brains are very very very confusing. They are just so random. I hope you are ok though.
    Also just wanted to say I LOVE your blog and Youtube videos. They always make me smile. Even when I’m down, thank you for that. Xx

    Liked by 1 person

  3. All The Jazz

    I totally get you, I do that all the time. Especially the junk food thing, but it’s more like stress eating for me. When I’m sad or stressed and anxiety is building up, or one of those days where I just can’t see the light in anything, I just eat. Like you said, it’s like I’m trying to fill a hole that won’t fill up, so I keep trying to fill it and fill it. I do stop eventually, when I notice how bad this is and how much I’ve consumed. But I just end up doing it again another day

    Liked by 1 person

  4. theiridescentworldofindy

    I get super paranoid too. Like, in school, if I don’t know what we’re doing, when we’re on excursions and stuff, I’m terrified that I’m going to do the wrong thing and get lost. Especially in year 7, when I was new to my school. I came halfway through the year, and half the time I had no idea where I am going. And it terrified me.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. QueenTxti

    I’m going through the same except, I’m scared of hurting myself. Those dark thoughts started when I first had a panic attack and they get worse sometimes. School actually distracts me, it’s when I’m alone that I start overthinking. Also about the physical contact, I feel the same!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. justsomewhereinbetweenblog

    I don’t have the same problems you do, but I get the feeling that your brain can sometimes be the most confusing thing on the planet. I hope writing about it helps you in some way, because although I’m new to blogging, it makes me feel a lot better to just let all my thoughts out.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. mygirlblogger

    Hi HideawayGirl!

    If I am honest, you’re right. Not many people know how you feel or what you are going through. I do remember a time when I used to feel like something terrible was going to happen to me or the people I loved in my life and I was afraid. But I always told myself that I was just imagining and I knew that because I was imagining bad things, I can also imagine good – so I did. Try not to eat so much junk food though because as you said, it’s really unhealthy. Remember that you are extremely brace to share this experience with others.

    Always stay strong,

    MGB xxx

    Liked by 2 people

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