I’ve come to the realisation that I can’t be whatever I want to be.
- I can’t be a politician or anything that can really impact the world. I’m not a person who people vote for, people think I’m stupid. ‘It’s always you Astrid’ when I say a wrong answer in class or makes a stupid comments. Is it because I stutter and can’t say certain things? Or is it because I’m not as pretty as my friends and don’t get straight As without revising.
- I’m finding it hard to believe that I’ll get into uni right now. I’m doing really shit at the moment to be honest even though I spend so many hours revising but only for a meh mark.
- I have no skill. I don’t have that thing that I’m really good at. The only thing I’m good at is History but even that, I don’t do well in exams and what can I use history in? I don’t really want to become a teacher
Feeling a bit stuck at the moment. Sorry, I’m not putting this nicely but I’m having a breakdown and I feel so stressed and closed in right now.
There’s only one year until my GCSEs which might seem far away but by the way I’m going, it feels like I need at least two years to just get a C in my sciences.
I don’t know what is wrong with my brain this year, all I’ve been feeling is stress. The people around me add to it but it’s not their fault because I don’t think they know how much this whole school thing means to me.
I want to make my parents and myself proud because I know they want to become successful and happy. But I’m really not happy at the moment and I can’t see any future job that could make me remotely happy.
I feel really really closed in right now and for the first time in a while, I’m not looking forward to the future. The future was the only thing that really kept me going.