I don’t do well in social gatherings. It can be in the classroom, walking home from school, weekends out, at the very few parties I’ve been to or just going to Nandos. It doesn’t normally bother me because I would normally be able to fit in and be genuinely interested in what’s going on but recently, I just zone out and my brain just tells me I’m shit all the time.
But the thing which doesn’t help is that I get told that I’m awkward and boring which then, at the next social gathering, makes me paranoid and that I want to be liked. Also, people never let go of your past even though it was in bloody year 9 and I went through a goth stage but still, I always have people reminding me of it which is fine if it was just once in a while but when it carries on and on, it just gets irritating and it becomes an insult.
People at my school have found out about my youtube- maybe this blog but who gives a shit? I just don’t want Hideaway Girl to become an insult because I’ve been working on this for nearly three years and it’s a place where I can be myself and interact with friends all over the world. I’ve created so many memories on here, I’ve documented so many bits of my life and I’ve grown as a person on here.
When I started, I was 13 years old. My mental health was pretty bad (this isn’t the blog post to go into detail about so I’ll talk about it in future blog posts.) This year, I’ve gotten back on track and have cared less about what people think. However, of course, I still care about what people think of me; everyone does. But now, I can get over people faster and just be who I am. I don’t know who I am yet but I think, during nearly three years of writing on here, I’ve gotten closer to finding out and I’ve seen so many other friends going through the same process of growing up with me.
I’m not going to give up blogging, even though Hideaway Girl has become what they call an ‘insult’. I want to wear it with pride because it’s who I am and it’s where I’ve met another side of me.
However, due to people that I know knowing now, my blog is going to become a little tighter in the ways of revealing friendship problems and things that are going on in my life. In the past, I’ve spoken about friendship troubles on here and etc. which isn’t sensible to do now because I don’t want to cause more drama in my ‘real’ life and I don’t want Hideaway Girl to become a gossip channel for my classmates.
Furthermore, I would also like to say that I won’t stop talking about my anxiety and so on. I want people who I know in this small town that they aren’t alone in their thoughts and they can always talk to me. Also, I think talking about mental health is a really important subject for me to address here (and away from the screen) but also, be able to see how far I have come.
I want to say something to the people I know in real life:
Well, I don’t really know how everyone found out about it and so on but thank you, I guess, for getting my views up but I want my blog world to be separated from my world that I see you guys in. If you have a bad interest in it, I want you to know that I’m going to carry writing on here because I love my blog, I love the people who I’ve met on here, I love just writing my thoughts out and getting support back. I’m proud of what I’ve achieved on here (even if it’s small) and I’m just going to say this: keep your thoughts or whatever to yourself because all it is going to do is entertain yourself and making yourself look like a dick. Cheers.
But thank you to the ones who I do know in real life and have supported me. It really makes writing on here even more fun knowing that the people I love like what I’m doing.
Anyways, to my readers and aspiring bloggers, continue what you love doing (if it’s legal and whatever) and tell the haters that you will carry on.
p.s: I ranked 23rd best blogger for teens (which I’m guessing is in the world) which is pretty cool as the 1st place was Teen Vogue. Anyways, thank you guys for reading my blog; I don’t know why because I just ramble on here. If you want to see the ranking and so on, its here.