Yo, I’m back.
Yes, I just said yo because I’m feeling grumpy with really uncomfortable period cramps that are poking at my poor ovaries right now so I’m feeling like I’m the hardest gangster around because I can survive period cramps…and this week.
I’m writing this on a Sunday and the Sunday before, I was a wreck. A complete utter wreck with a major emotional ‘hangover’. But like I said in my previous blog post, I’m not going to write drama blog posts on here as people at school read this blog and I don’t want this to turn into a gossip page….I’m not a British (and middle-class) Gossip Girl.
This week has been shit. Really really shit. I think it has doubled up the mess I had but in no way was it anyone’s fault what happened this week and I’m okay now, the situation is alright now.
Even though I wish I didn’t go through the events of this week, I’ve learnt a few things this week.
Number one: It’s okay to distance yourself in any type of relationship to allow yourself to breathe and be able to look after yourself
I needed to learn this and even though, I heard it from somebody who I didn’t want to hear it from, it actually made sense. Also, people around me need to have distance away from me to cope with their busy lives or just not to get hurt which was hard for me to accept at first but then again, I became that person that needed to be distance for a bit.
Number two: People, including me, are always going to be thirsty for a small bite of drama and to watch things crumble… it’s humankind. However, it’s alright to just not tell people stuff (which you don’t need to tell people) and just, step away from everyone.
This point is like number one. Although, this point was easier to control and still needs to be sorted out.I think I’m going to stay silent about personal issues to certain people for now. Having too many people involved in my drama, made it impossible to have breathing space for me. Does that make sense?
Number three: It’s a really good idea to have that part of your day where you do something which is away from people and your phone screen. For me, it was colouring and writing little things on my laptop.
My panic attacks went to a whole other level this week which was really difficult for me because I didn’t really want to confide in anyone so I had to stick it out by myself. So I used colouring and doodling to try and rest my mind. Of course, it didn’t work on some nights so I instead had to find other things like; taking a bath, lightening a candle, watching Outnumbered etc.
Number four: I’m quite a difficult person to be close to all the time.
I’m not a horrible person or anything but I’m very emotional and stubborn and sometimes, people can’t deal with it and need time on their own which as I learnt is perfectly okay. Truthfully, it upsets and makes my brain call me a liability which is difficult to get it to stop talking. Although, I’ve learnt to handle it and just give people space for themselves to breathe.
Anyways, it’s nice to just type my thoughts and feelings after this week. Thank you for always reading and commenting, it really really does make me feel better