too much but it will be fine

Social media can get too much. That is a sentence I have just said to myself when I got a notification from someone. And again. My mum and I have a conversation at least once a week where she goes ‘I didn’t have to have people poking at me all the time through a screen. When I got home from school, the only way they could contact me was to knock on my door.’ then she would say ‘Turn your phone off for the day.’ which I normally roll my eyes at (in my mind) and say yup and then go straight to replying to a Snapchat. However, recently, I have been turning my phone off to avoid people and just not have to deal with the constant poking of people on the internet.

This sounds so fucking vain but I don’t mean in that way. But becoming single, I have a surprising increase in messages from people who I never really spoke to when I was in a relationship. Having that sudden change in your life and having so many people messaging you all the time, can become chaotic in your brain. I’m not happy at the moment. I feel too present if that makes sense (it probably doesn’t but I’m going to type it) and I never feel content. Like there is parts of my day where I am laughing and joking around but in the back of my mind, I have this constant sadness and confusion at why I’m not happy. I tell myself that I should be happy because I have so much support around me, a few boys have an interest in me ( probably not for the right reasons) and I do like people. But I just feel shit. I feel like a 6/10 or under (that’s a Dodie reference and I know some of you will get it).

All I can do is just focus on my future and maybe avoid getting involved with certain people. I'm not quite ready for a new thing. I just want to become someone who I don't hate all the time. I need to fall in love with myself first.

I am getting better. I do feel better and I know I will be able to just have a clear brain once again. I have so many people around me and today, I fell in love with my friends. I looked at my mate, Emily, and I just said in my brain ‘Woah, I love her’. Not in a lesbian way or whatever but in a way where you just care so much for them. I love so many people in my life including people who I also hate as well but maybe that’s what I need to focus on. Loving myself.

Thank you for reading and I hope you all have a brilliant night (or day),
and you know what? I feel a little better since I started writing this blog post.

Astrid X

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20 Comments

  1. Indy Watson

    I’ve actually took a week off where I just completely dropped off the internet and it was great! And since then I’ve noticed that it’s lessened my urge to constantly check my phone. I think it’s an amazing idea that you want to figure out who you are first, before getting into another relationship. It’s quite a mature decision, and I think it’ll bring a lot of self discovery along the way.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. mariaemerald

    Hey! I just wanted to say that I reallyy know what you mean, I feel like I can be obsessed with social media and constantly checking. It can become a bit too addictive, which is not the best. Anyways, I wanted to contact you about a collabing, but it seems like you don’t have an email?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Jade

    I only turned off one social media for a while. Instagram. It was actually great but i decided after a couple months to give it a chance again, it’s like i gave into the devil a little bit. Part of my soul left. I still can’t delete it. However about a month ago, Instagram wasn’t my biggest worry. I wanna share it with you Astrid. Just text me back. Reply? I love you work, not in a lesbian way XD. -From a former joining fan 🙂 Jade.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Husnuss

    We used this text in our english exams as an example for slang text. They even added the quote “I will have to find myself” to ur blog and we had to comment on that. I didn’t even know you existed, thought this was made up (germany)

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Husnuss

        Sorry, took me a while. There were 3 questions one of ’em was

        “Describe the different kind of problems teenage blogger Astrid has been facing recently.” followed by the question

        “Analyze how the blogger gets her teenage readers to identify with her by looking at the use of language (e.g. register, diction, syntax, stylistic devices)” and lastly

        “Comment on Astrid’s statement “I need to fall in love with myself first.” in the context of the sequence `Challanges in Teenage life`.

        We are probably gonna use one of your blogs again sometime and I’m glad since they are easy to understand 😀

        Like

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