too much but it will be fine

Social media can get too much. That is a sentence I have just said to myself when I got a notification from someone. And again. My mum and I have a conversation at least once a week where she goes ‘I didn’t have to have people poking at me all the time through a screen. When I got home from school, the only way they could contact me was to knock on my door.’ then she would say ‘Turn your phone off for the day.’ which I normally roll my eyes at (in my mind) and say yup and then go straight to replying to a Snapchat. However, recently, I have been turning my phone off to avoid people and just not have to deal with the constant poking of people on the internet.

This sounds so fucking vain but I don’t mean in that way. But becoming single, I have a surprising increase in messages from people who I never really spoke to when I was in a relationship. Having that sudden change in your life and having so many people messaging you all the time, can become chaotic in your brain. I’m not happy at the moment. I feel too present if that makes sense (it probably doesn’t but I’m going to type it) and I never feel content. Like there is parts of my day where I am laughing and joking around but in the back of my mind, I have this constant sadness and confusion at why I’m not happy. I tell myself that I should be happy because I have so much support around me, a few boys have an interest in me ( probably not for the right reasons) and I do like people. But I just feel shit. I feel like a 6/10 or under (that’s a Dodie reference and I know some of you will get it).

All I can do is just focus on my future and maybe avoid getting involved with certain people. I'm not quite ready for a new thing. I just want to become someone who I don't hate all the time. I need to fall in love with myself first.

I am getting better. I do feel better and I know I will be able to just have a clear brain once again. I have so many people around me and today, I fell in love with my friends. I looked at my mate, Emily, and I just said in my brain ‘Woah, I love her’. Not in a lesbian way or whatever but in a way where you just care so much for them. I love so many people in my life including people who I also hate as well but maybe that’s what I need to focus on. Loving myself.

Thank you for reading and I hope you all have a brilliant night (or day),
and you know what? I feel a little better since I started writing this blog post.

Astrid X

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15 Comments

  1. Indy Watson

    I’ve actually took a week off where I just completely dropped off the internet and it was great! And since then I’ve noticed that it’s lessened my urge to constantly check my phone. I think it’s an amazing idea that you want to figure out who you are first, before getting into another relationship. It’s quite a mature decision, and I think it’ll bring a lot of self discovery along the way.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. mariaemerald

    Hey! I just wanted to say that I reallyy know what you mean, I feel like I can be obsessed with social media and constantly checking. It can become a bit too addictive, which is not the best. Anyways, I wanted to contact you about a collabing, but it seems like you don’t have an email?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Jade

    I only turned off one social media for a while. Instagram. It was actually great but i decided after a couple months to give it a chance again, it’s like i gave into the devil a little bit. Part of my soul left. I still can’t delete it. However about a month ago, Instagram wasn’t my biggest worry. I wanna share it with you Astrid. Just text me back. Reply? I love you work, not in a lesbian way XD. -From a former joining fan 🙂 Jade.

    Liked by 1 person

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